damn you, Orville

Last night I awoke with the feeling that barbed wire had been inserted into my intestines. It didn't take too long to figure out that the bag of microwave popcorn I consumed was making a rather unpleasant... uh... exit. Or, conversely, not exiting. To make matters that much more complicated, I also began sneezing. Not a good combination.

At five in the morning, I pretty much figured out that:

Popcorn Problem + Head Cold = Banging a Sick Call.

(I'm a genius like that.)

So after doing the new fangled "sub" internet-thingy to announce my absence, I got an entire morning to just hang around in bed, groan a bit, and have a couple of fantasies about bitch-slapping Orville Redenbacher. I also came to a couple of realizations and resolutions.

1. I have to emotionally step back a bit from my students. I do care about them, but with 3.5 months left in the school year, I also have to drastically reduce my stress level if I'm gonna make it. Honestly, on Friday I thought I might have a heart attack. I'll redirect, encourage, and reprimand as needed, but I'm not chasing them down for missed homework/projects and the myriad of other crap I do on a daily basis. No more battles over soda, food, being late for class, cursing at one another, and so on. A polite "not appropriate, miss" will have to suffice. And a notation in my log. Daddy needs to seriously mellow out. Preferably without the aid of prescription drugs. And, I don't want to find myself waking up in the morning during June grinning at a gin and tonic and declaring, "Yum! Breakfast!" Nope. I sure don't. I save that for July.

2. Graduate school will likewise have to be placed in perspective. I think it's a horrendous program to begin with, so maintaining this 4.0 has gotta come way down on the priority scale. And it's time to make some of these tedious reflections fiction. Some opening sentences may include:

"I kick the children and I believe that this may be inappropriate."

"While the children were finishing their compositions, I ate a pastrami sandwich and drank a beer."

"I convinced my emotionally disabled students that it is okay to pull the fire alarm. It was a beautiful day and I wanted to get some air."

"I ran out of reward stickers, so I gave all my top performers a cigarette. And then I let them smoke during group work. It made me giggle to hear them all cough during accountable talk."


3. Um. And the social life thing? Yup. Gotta get back on top of that.


Thanks, Orville. I needed the day off.


(And thank god I don't have this problem.)