Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Lenny (English Language Learner Lenny) and I have hit a bump in the road. As in there isn't a lot of learning going on. There are a number of possible reasons for this, including:

1. I'm not qualified to teach a child diagnosed with a learning disability (in Spanish) in ESL.

2. The region has not sent a bilingual paraprofessional in almost a month.

3. Lenny is just too damn horny to learn a goddamn thing.

Right now, I'm betting that it's 25% reason #1 and 75% reason #3.

Lenny's emerging sexuality has been hard NOT to notice. He likes to get up in front of the class and do his little "in and out" pelvis thrust dance. He really likes to yell out, "Yo! No one wanna suck my dick? No one?" And, he really likes to hump my desk when my back is turned.

He humped it a lot today. Too many times for me to pretend that I didn't see it. Too many times for me not to address it. Too many times all around.

So as best I could, I sat Lenny down and told him that he would have to "cool it" with the "sexy stuff."

"Why no sexy stuff?"

"Well, it's not good. No, sex is good ... err... love is good, but not on my desk. You know?"

"Whatcha mean, mister?"

"No more hump-hump on the desk, okay?"


"And no more hootchy-cootchy dance, okay?"

"No, I do dance. I like."

"No. No dance. Not good. Girls don't like your dance. Not appropriate in the classroom. Okay?"

"No. I do dance. I like. You give me pen and I stop."

"Oh. Huh. Here you go, sport. It's all yours. I'll give you the pen, and you stop the hootchy-cootchy dance."


"And no more hump-hump on my desk. Okay?"

"Shit! Leggo the pen! I no hump. Okay?"

And with that, Lenny left my class, pen in hand.

As he was about to walk out the door, he stopped, made a couple of pelvic thrusts, laughed wildly, and disappeared.

Ack! There's something about adolescent sexuality that makes me so uneasy.


Ms. H said...

You mean your school doesn't have a bilingual special ed sex ed teacher? Aw, shoot. Oh well.

Seriously, though, it's depressing not to be able to point them toward an outlet for healthy sexuality.

I don't think I've ever had a desk humper, but other than that, Lenny sounds exactly like a combination of two boys in my 8th grade ESL class -- the kid who used to spell his name differently every time he wrote it, and TKWTD (The Kid With Two Dads). I feel your pain and revulsion.

Would he like It's So Amazing? Could he get anything out of it?

Anonymous said...

Your posts are so funny.

Tracy said...

I have a desk humper and an anything humper, in fact, I have a class just like yours....and no one stop prison.

He Who Can't. . . said...

I've had kids hump all sorts of things in my class. The most unlikely was the dugital projector. How can anyone find that attractive? But, maybe since I teach regular ed., I've never has a consistent humper, and obviously, this is your kids M.O. What do his parents say? If his English is as bad as it seems, wouldn't he do better in a bilingual special ed. class? His parents could push the region for a transfer, if they know to. The most worrying thing is that the way you describe this kid reminds me of a kid I knew when I worked at a summer camp. This kid would make this movement with his arms, like he was holding a giant ball, which he would bring crashing into his crotch, and say, "Suck It!" I think he picked it up from WWF, but he did it everytime he saw a girl. It was disturbing. But this kid was diagnosed autistic. He was in an AYI program at the camp. Unless you're a Distrcit 75 school, I don't suspect you'd find something like that in his IEP? Could you?