To the ass that stole my classroom computer...

Dear &^*(&!,

Thanks so much for stealing the classroom computer. It was only a few days old, so at least my students didn't get accustomed to having it. With the huge budget my school has, I expect not to see another for the remainder of the year. I hope you're enjoying what you stole from my students (or whatever you did with it).

There's a special place in the universe for people like you.

Mr. Benjamin
(once again using his personal computer for student use)